Patience and Why I'm a Mess

Don't you love when God teaches you the lessons you don't think you need to learn?

Week after week this keeps happening in my Bible Study.  Last week I thought I had a ton of peace and the lesson wasn't really that applicable to me...and then the anxiety reared it's ugly head!  This week was patience.  No comment, other than to say it's been ugly.  We were learning that one of the opposites of patience is judgement, and I thought "oh, I'm not judgmental" and almost immediately God sent the conviction.  I cannot stand to have MY time wasted.  When the lightrail stays extra long at a stop, it is inconveniencing me and I'm judging the driver or whoever it is that is holding us up.  When you drive slow in front of me, I hate to say it, but I am judging you.  When I'm stuck in meeting after meeting at work I'm finding myself irritable and more and more impatient.  I am so self absorbed, it makes me a little sick.  It's impossible to be patient when you think your wants and desires are the most important thing.

Sometimes conviction is painful!  As I'm asking God for less of me and more of Jesus and He hears my prayers and carves away my selfish desires, I often feel like a hot mess.  I was at the point yesterday when I thought "I just can't take this anymore."  I was frustrated with all the circumstances around me, overwhelmed with life in general and sick and tired of my bad attitude.  This is also known as "at the end of my rope."  God was pruning, but I kept holding onto the old branches He'd cut off.  In case you're tempted to try this - it's not beneficial - you have to let it go!

My friend Kim's birthday was yesterday.  I LOVE birthdays!  It's so great to have a special day to celebrate someone.  So yesterday, on her birthday, I mentioned I was having a rough time.  And on HER special day, she asked me to come over early before her birthday dinner so she could pray for me.  She modeled what I needed to see - less of us, more of Jesus.

It's funny, but that was the turning point for me.  Not even the actual prayer, but the offer.  I took a deep breath and got out my gratitude journal (that I hadn't been able to write in all day)...
# 30 Praying friends
And the gifts continued all night...

#33 Amazing food!

#34 Celebrating together


#35 Thank you Lord for growing those You love, and never letting us stay in the same place for so long that we become stagnant!