Distractions

 I love the holidays.  I don't even mind the busyness that comes with them.  This year has been particularly busy already, with trying to wrap everything up at work for a 3 month leave, preparing the house for a new baby (trusting she comes home), decorating for Christmas and buying and wrapping ALL.THE.GIFTS before she gets here.  The nesting bug has definitely hit me...along with the pregnancy discomfort that comes with carrying a bigger baby.  

It hit me over the weekend, when an emotional moment came out of nowhere, how distracted I've been.  It's so easy to forget about all God has been doing these past few months, to draw us so close to Him as we trust and hold on to hope.  I've said this before, I wish this wasn't our reality, but I'm so filled with thankfulness for the way the Lord has met us in our fears and uncertainty...for the ways He has encouraged us with all of you.  I don't want to ever forget any of it.  

It's such a blessing to get to see her every single week.  Today the blessing was not lost on me.  Part of my devotional reading was from Psalm 136, where the writer is giving thanks to God for who He is and what He's done.  Each phrase is completed with "His love endures forever."  His love for this little girl, for this little family is enduring.  I was filled with great gratitude for His enduring love as I soaked in her (very) chubby cheeks and double chins, her already full head of hair and her chunky little legs.  God is so good for giving us this very special time with her.  

All went well in today's appointments.  The amniotic fluid is decreasing (which is normal for this time in pregnancy) to normal levels and my body is still healthy and doing what it should to carry her to term.  Her brain remains stable.  The doctor said it actually doesn't look like the fluid is putting a severe amount of pressure on the tissue and she's liking how the tissue is developing.  Her guess is that it's going to be a "good outcome" when she's born, although we really won't know until that happens.  For now though, we'll just be glad for the positive reports and hopeful outlook.  And no matter what, our hope remains in the ultimate Healer.  

Here are some ways to keep praying for us:

- Pray that baby girl and I both stay stable and healthy

- Please pray for my sleep at night.  Indigestion, restless legs and just general discomfort and insomnia are making it tough.  She's already estimated to be over 7 lbs (which is bigger than Colton when he was born), so this is a bit different for me.

- Pray that I am able to bring things at work to good places before she comes

- Please continue to pray for a miraculous healing of her brain

We are trusting that God is good and He has worked out all of the details of her coming into the world and what happens after that.  Please know that whatever our "good outcome" looks like, if you are praying with us, you are already part of a miracle.  Her life is already so special.  Thanks for supporting us and praying for us!

We have a date!

Today was a first.  We were able to see the fuzzy hair on her head in the ultrasound.  Just amazing.  

Not a lot to report today, although we had a full mid day of appointments.  Everything is still stable.  The doctor actually commented that it's nice to have these kinds of conversations with parents, because it's not always the case!  We are very thankful.  She's estimated to way about 5 lbs 13 oz and her growth is right on track.  Her head is of course still very large (99%), but the growth there is expected and stable.  The good news is that the ratio of fluid in her ventricles to overall head growth is pretty much the same and we continue to see more brain tissue in the scans.  We still really have NO idea what this means for her once she's born, but they are hopeful indicators.  In other good news, I had fewer and lighter contractions while hooked up to the monitor today (I still don't feel them.)

We met with a high risk OB in the practice today and scheduled my c-section - Dec. 21.  I was hoping it could be earlier, but baby girl and I are so healthy, they won't do it before 39 weeks.  If I'm honest, I wish it weren't so close to Christmas and so close to my due date (12/26).  I'm a little nervous about going into labor before then and having to have an emergency c-section.  Our doctor was great though, and walked us through everything that would happen if that were the case.  The NICU nurses would still be in the delivery room ready to assess and care for our girl, so we should be good!  In a neat coincidence (or God moment for us), the OB we met today, who will also do the c-section, is from Nigeria.  If you don't know a lot about Seth's and my story - Seth was born and spent his first 5 years in Nigeria and 20 years later, I visited the exact town (hospital even) where he was born!  

Life outside of the baby has been a little haywire recently (a Covid case in Colton's class - he's negative, thankfully - the week before his birthday and party, that totally changed all sorts of plans last weekend, this week and this weekend) and it's had me thinking about how tightly I hold on to my plans.  This c section scheduling just reinforced my conviction that God is showing me something here.  "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" Proverbs 16:10 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Psalm 33:11

While it's good to make plans, I really am learning to hold onto them loosely, because God is determining each step of the way.  It's definitely difficult for me to let go, but at the same time, so reassuring that the One who holds the whole Universe in His hands holds the specifics of our lives.

Please pray that I would be able to let go of any plans I think I have and just let God work.

Pray for miraculous decrease in the fluid in her ventricles and if not, continued stability and health.

Pray for my mood as I move into this last month of pregnancy.

Pray for continued stability and health in my own body.  

Thank you so much for all of the ways that you've been supporting us and praying for us.  We feel very lifted up and have so much peace (that in itself is really a miracle!)

Love you all! ♡

When it starts to pile up

 So I've moved to weekly appointments because of a slightly high amount of amniotic fluid they noted in my ultrasound 2 weeks ago.  It's concerning, because this could lead to preterm labor, which would just add to the challenges our girl has.  I had my first weekly monitoring last week and baby girl passed all of her tests just fine, but they noticed I was having pretty frequent contractions.  They aren't painful (which is good), but something to keep an eye on. 

This of course brings me back to that ugly state of worry.  Last week was pretty rough as I tried to stick to a really low glucose diet (to hopefully help with the amniotic fluid issue) and drink more water (for the contractions) and not worry that every tiny contraction could be turning into labor.  It was frustrating, because I've felt so much peace recently about God having her life in His hands.  It was so much easier when it was trusting Him with her and not having to trust Him to take care of me too.  Sometimes when things are clearly out of your control (baby having enlarged ventricles), it's easier to say "Ok God, this is Yours.  I surrender and trust You."  Then, when it's something you can exert a little more control over, you (I) drive yourself crazy trying to do everything perfectly so you don't mess up the plan.  In reality, I don't have control over when I go into labor. That's in God's control too.  I can follow all of the guidance to the best of my ability (limit simple carbs, try for 100 oz of water), but there's no peace until I give that to God.  I can't just trust Him with parts of this situation, I have to trust Him with the WHOLE thing.  I also have to continually trust Him with each detail that comes up.  There are times when it feels like it's all just piling up and the tiniest thing is the straw that breaks the camel's back.  The lesson I'm learning is that everyday, multiple times a day even, I have give each of those little pieces of straw to God, and give them back when I take them back.  

Seth got to join me for today's appointments, which helped me so much.  I'm still having frequent Braxton Hicks contractions (although I don't even feel the majority of them).   The doctor asked me how much water I was drinking.  Imagine my surprise when I proudly announced that I had been drinking 70 oz of water daily (which I had upped a lot from the prior week) and he told me that still wasn't enough.  Whew, I might float away.  If anyone has any suggestions how to drink 100 oz a day, I'm open! 

In other news, though, my amniotic fluid levels are back in the normal range (although the high end of normal).  I still have to stick with the lower glucose diet, but I'm getting used to that.  (Halloween was challenging, but I'll survive.)  She's still doing a great job growing, moving (ouch) and practicing her breathing.  The sonographer commented today on how strong she is (in relation to her kicks and punches), and I smiled to myself thinking about how strong she is in more ways than one.  Her left and right ventricles (the fluid in her brain) did slightly increase in size, but in line with her head growth, which is normal.  All of this is definitely reassuring.  

Thanks for continuing to walk this road with us! If you are praying for us, here are some specifics:

- Pray for the amniotic fluid to stay in normal range

- Pray that I will not go into labor in November.  Once we get to December, she will have a much easier (and less risky) time getting to where she needs to be.

- Pray that her brain continues to experience good growth (there is tissue growing)!

- Pray that her ventricles would even start decreasing in size and that she wouldn't even need surgical intervention when she's born.

- Pray that if she does need surgery, that she'll be a good candidate, there will be no complications and it will give her a great quality of life. 

- Pray for my sleep.  I have restless legs and pretty bad heartburn.  I'm also just getting to the stage where I'm generally a little more uncomfortable.  The anxiety doesn't help either.

Thank you again for your overwhelming support! 💗