Sometimes I get sorta wound up. I mean like tight.
Yesterday was one of those days. And my boyfriend was in a mood to joke around...I wasn't. I was wound too tight to take a joke. It was ugly. It's one of the things I hate the most about myself.
And as I worked on our study on the fruit of the Spirit last night I thought, "Am I really living in the Spirit, if my need to control affects my ability to let God move in my life as He pleases?" Yeah...not so much. My boyfriend has tried to remind me of this, and I'll agree with him, but not really be able to unravel from my sprial of control and anxiety.
So I prayed last night that I'd be able to let go...of my need to plan and schedule everything, of my need for things to always go my way, of being so wrapped up in myself that I lose track of the gifts all around me, that I can't laugh at life.
And it was going pretty well...
...until I got in my car! I made it to the gym, got my workout in, showered and left a little later than I was hoping, so I knew I was going to have to rush to make the train. Now, why I have to make this particular train and why I drive like a maniac to get there, I cannot tell you. I don't have a set time to be at work, and I can always stay later if I get there later than usual. There really isn't a need to rush, unless you count being a neurotic control freak as a reason. No? Ok, yeah, I didn't think so either.
Anyway - miracle of all miracles, I make the first two lights perfectly, but then the person in front of me starts driving so slow. The anxiety starts creeping up. Doesn't the person driving that car know they are throwing off my whole day? But it's ok, I think I can still make it. I turn left onto the street the station is on, already planning my parking spot, when I'm stopped dead in my tracks. A flock of 6 geese is standing in the middle of the street. They are unwilling to move. I slowly drive up to them and rev my engine a little - they keep slowly tottering down the middle of the street like I'm not even there. I honk my horn - they honk back. I laugh and FINALLY let go. Right there, in the middle of the street, with geese surrounding my car and honking, the train pulling into the station in the distance, my car inching forward little by little. And I laughed and let my plans for the morning go. And I laughed and unwound that spiral of control.
I parked my car and had an extra few minutes on hand. The sun is shining, the only sound is the birds chirping. My Bible is open to John 17 and I wait. Instead of the train, God shows up. Peace grows. Oh friends, His plan is ALWAYS ALWAYS so much better than mine.
I was telling my boyfriend about it this morning and he gently reminded me that this is what he's been telling me. And I told him, "sometimes it takes God using geese for me to see it!"
And I slow down and give thanks.
I think of this weekend and the amazing time I had with my small group. They remind me to slow down and enjoy life. I'm thankful. They remind me that sometimes it's ok to eat cake AND ice cream. I'm thankful.
And as we're sad to see this couple move on from our group we are all thankful for what they brought to our lives! Congratulations Keisha and Noah.
Living in the Spirit today!! :-)
