Update

 A lot of people have been asking my how I'm feeling.  That's such a hard question to answer.  I guess the best answer is "a lot."  I just feel a lot right now.  Grateful, sad, hopeful, afraid, blessed, overwhelmed...and the list goes on.  

Yesterday was a super emotional day.  I sat down to journal and pray in the morning and went to look for a verse that has really comforted me in difficult times before.  The verse I was actually looking for was Psalm 27:13-14 "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."  Instead - I ended up in Psalm 37 and was immediately drawn to the beginning of verse 7 which says "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.".  At this point I was sensing a theme.  Waiting is hard, but that is our current season, so we will do it and have peace for now.

I went to church and sobbed the whole way through (which, I don't recommend while wearing a mask).  When we started singing Cece Winans believe for it, the sobs came harder, as that was the exact song I listened to on the drive over.  Friends, the road is hard, but God is dropping us love notes all the time.  Then the message felt like it was just for me.  One of the questions posed was, "Is the object of your prayer the miracle itself, or the One who makes miracles?" Particularly relevant right now.  At the end of the service a teenager came to the front to share something that had been on her heart.  I wish I could repeat her words exactly, but she was talking about how God had been impressing on her the importance of waiting on Him and that there was someone who was in the middle of a battle that needed to hear that God is in the waiting.  So we wait :-)

I went into today's appointment with the Fetal Therapy doctors at Hopkins with the mindset of continuing to wait, knowing that we have surrended it all to God.  It was a LONG ultrasound (baby girl is a wiggle worm like her big brother).  That definitely created some anxiety to fight off.  When we finally got to sit down with the doctor though, the news was actually somewhat optimistic.  The situation hadn't changed.  Still way to much fluid. But, it appears that the cause of the fluid is most likely the result of an aqueductal stenosis - a blockage between the 3rd and 4th ventricles of her brain.  This is really the best cause we could hope for, because it means her brain wants to develop, the fluid just won't let it.  So, when she's born, the pediatric neurosurgeon will place a shunt in her brain to drain the fluid and we'll see how her brain develops from there.  The prognosis could vary greatly, but if this is actually what's going on, it's not fatal.  We'll continue to pray for complete miraculous healing of her brain.  The doctor said she has seen blockages resolve on their own before, but never in a case this severe.  But God...We know He is in control of this entire process and will bring about His good plan.  And we have hope.  And peace, no matter what the outcome is.

It's not a coincidence that we are in a town with some of the best medical care we could have.  It's not a coincidence the songs and verses the Lord puts in my heart at just the right time.  It's not a coincidence when someone reaches out, just when we need that encouragement.  

I'm so grateful that He draws near in the middle of our deepest fears.  We are so thankful for your support, encouragement and prayers and are excited that you are joining us in seeing what God does. 💗