I'll admit it, sometimes I can be a little too emotional. Yes, the words "Drama Queen" may have been attached to me before. I hate being a crier. Interestingly, my "drama" and tears are usually the result of frustration, rather than sadness. Regardless of the reason, I really want to be able to hold it together a little better. At the beginning of this month I blurted out to my boyfriend "This is going to be no cry April for me! No tears this month." He chuckled and I think his exact response was, "I'll believe when I see it!"
As I sit here, I want to be strong so badly, but I also want to put my face in my pillow and sob. And let me be candid with you right now...although I do cry frequently, it is rarely because of tragedy happening outside of my immediate little world sphere. I certainly feel sadness, shock, anger and confusion when tragedy strikes, like the horrible shootings with so many innocent children and adults losing their lives, but my heart does not break like God's does for those hurting. I pray for comfort for those who experience horrific losses. I rejoice when tragedy brings out the best in people, and you see goodness that has been dormant. But sometimes, I just can't truly relate. I am not by any means a marathon runner, but I know how it feels to cross that finish line after hours of running. I know how it feels to wriggle my way to the front of crowds of bystanders to cheer a friend on as they accomplish their own goal! And I want to throw up when I mix those amazing memories with bombs exploding.
I'm not saying I strive to be a blubbering mess whenever bad things happen. I believe God is sovereign. He is a GOOD God. And I promise you, what the bomber(s) meant for evil, "God meant it for good." Genesis 50:20. Joseph said this to his brothers, who tried to kill him out of jealousy and left him for dead. Years later, he is in a position of prominence and is able to save his people from a terrible famine. His brothers are afraid, but this is what he tells them. God Always works for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28. There is hope. And I hold onto that hope. And at the same time, I ask God to continue to break my heart like His breaks for the pain in this world.
I think part of my reaction today is due to the setting. I think another part is how close to home this really is. I was reminded that there are bombings like this all over the world nearly daily. God's heart breaks for each of His beloved children. It's overwhelming how big the pain in the world is. It's mind blowing how broken the human race continues to be. My brokenness is just a tiny reflection of how God's heart breaks for the broken. God longs to reconcile the world back to Himself. Even if you aren't a follower of Christ we pretty much all know the verse "For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 He has already reconciled the world to Him through the cross. We just celebrated Easter. He is RISEN! Let's live like it. "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation" 2 Corinthians 5:17-19
God sent His Son, Jesus, so that we can be reconciled to Him, and as a result of that, we now practice the ministry of reconciliation. God wants us all to experience His peace.
There is so much ugliness in the world right now. But there is beauty also. For those of us who know the beauty of Christ in our lives, who know the redemption and peace of that Easter Sunday, we need to reflect that beauty to the world.
So along with no cry April, I hope to strive each day to intentionally reflect the beauty of God in my life. Who's with me?
